Handling bullies-For Dummies................

One of the dictionaries define a bully as:

A blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates 

smaller or weaker people. 

Let us disect some of these very discriptive words :

Blustering: Loud, arrogant speech, often full of empty threats.   Quarrelsome :  ready or likely to argue or disagree.  Overbearing: often trying to control the behavior of other people in an annoying or unwanted way. Habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people ...............

How discriptive is this ?   This is stunning !    

Now there is a little known fact that everyone must take congnisance of: 

A bully cannot stand to be bullied - Once you stand up for yourself there is a 99% chance they will back off ! 

Now let us apply this definition to the real world.  On one of the facebook pages I frequent people post problems they encounter in life regarding debt, renting of property and all sorts of other issues.   And in practically every one of these there is a bully lurking in the background.

let us discuss a few of these.  

Someone posted about a landlord that is bearing down on a widow because her husband died and he feels she cannot afford to pay the rent. There is still quite a long time left on the original rental contract.  A bully in disguise ? He is not even disguising anything - he is a freaking bully. 

What does the victim do ?   She is so intimidated by this guys action that she might just accept that he is right and she must move.  What can she do ?  She can stand up and tell him in no uncertain terms that he is harrassing her, that if he feels he has the right to do what he is trying to that he must send her a lawyers letter to enforce his right and she will get her lawyer to answer his lawyer and that she will keep him responsible for her costs.  I am prepared to bet anyone 10 to one that he will back off.

Sometimes bullies only apply one of their mean traits:  "Blustering" comes to mind.  Debt 

collectors are masters at this.  The more obtrustive they are the easier they scare the person on the other end of the telephone line.   How do you handle them ?   Stand up and be counted.  Get their name, their company name and telephone number.  In a calm voice you tell them that you do not know what they are talking about and that you need everything they say in writing. "Send me and email"   "Sorry I did not hear you - you cannot send me an email ?"   "Sorry that is the only way you will communicate with me - I need to be able to identify you"...............Click.........Either they will put the phone down or you do so.    You have taken away his only weapon : The telephone. Do not engage with them on the phone- do not respond to sms's.    Any creditor must send you a notice required by law in terms of the National credit act before they can issues summons.  You are awarding them the opportunity to communicate with you via email.  If they refuse you are within all your rights to refuse to speak to them.  

To conclude :   Change your role from Victim to aggressor.    

Accept that you are dealing with a bully - they will back down if you stand on your rights

Do not feel intimidated because you are speaking to a debt collector - there are reasons for you situation and the other party must either understand that or leave you alone.  That is why you must insist on everything in Writing !   Everything does not mean something - It means everything .